Fellow Sprite Artist...
Congratulations on your first, and let me tell you from experience that the first is always the worst! Things will only get easier for you from here. I also have to give you credit on making your own sprites. No matter what anyone says, YOU took the time to find the original sprites, YOU took the time to edit them, and YOU showed that you have more of an imaginations then 90% of the people on NG. So those morons who say otherwise are wrong because those sprites are YOURS.
Now things you can improve…
You need a clearer text box, when you are making a video game sprite you need to keep the viewer in the video game world. The faded colors in your text box take away form the atmosphere. Also some of the text was too fast. Lengthen the frames with the text and also make the text a little bigger.
I’m not going to say anything about the story since you’ve already gotten the hint that you need one.
The sound was good, but try to optimize your sound a little more. The larger the file the more inclined 56k users are to give you a “0” for no reason.
Background, have more going on with the background, what you had was good, but try to make the background move with the characters or something involving movement.
Other then that, you have a strong start here. And don’t forget that there is nothing wrong with a constructive negative review, but NEVER listen to those shit heads that bash every aspect of your hard work. Good luck and I look forward to your future work.
~Kaos